You Weren't So Much Born, You Were Surgically Removed, Like a Tumor

When I was a teenager, as many teenage girls do, I talked with my friends about what my idea of an ideal birth would be. I always joked that for me the ideal birth was to be drugged to high heaven and then wake up a few hours later and have a baby. No pain, no trauma, just a smiling happy new bundle of joy.

I had some really weird opinions as a teenager, like, the thought of actually being pregnant really weirded me out. "You mean there is a living thing inside of me, growing, eating my nutrients?" Luckily I had grown out of that mind set somewhere during college. (Although I did still joke about the ideal birth.)

During my pregnancy I didn't really have a birth plan. I just kind of decided to just go with it. Don't get me wrong, I did do research and it wasn't like I didn't care, but from my research it became very apparent to me that nothing can be set in stone, especially in the case of child birth.

I did have some preferences, I knew that I wanted an epidural, because really, if medical advances have come far enough to provide something that will lessen, or even take away, the pain of pushing something roughly melon sized from between your legs. Then why wouldn't you want to use it?

I also knew I wanted to be surrounded by loved ones, I was kind of  pissed when I found out the hospital only allowed me to have five people in the room. (Luckily we did find a way around it and the six people I wanted to be there were.)

I really didn't even have that much of a preference about whether I wanted a C-section or a typical vaginal delivery. It's not really that I didn't care either way, it's just I wanted what was best for the baby and I knew that in different circumstances different things are necessary.

There was part of me that really wanted a vaginal birth, you know like in the movies, with the pushing and people cheering you on and then they hand you the baby, and you feel all accomplished and what not. But, that preference was mostly because I read a scientific article that was tacked up to a bulletin board out side of a professors office that talked about how c-section babies are more likely to have asthma because they aren't exposed to some bacteria in the vaginal canal. (Is it weird that was my main reason?)

I never really thought of child birth as magical, wonderful, beautiful, or any of the other adjectives that people generally attach to it. It was the gross, slimy, painful, necessary transition from baby being inside to baby being outside. The concept of it is magical, amazing, and frankly blows my mind that this all happened in my body, but in practice... its pretty gross and weird.

Any way moving on. I really didn't have a plan for Little Mango's birth. For a while the Doctor was pretty sure she was breeched. So, I really prepared myself mentally for a c-section. I read everything I could get my hands on about it. About a week before the due date we got an ultra sound done and discovered that she was no longer breeched. Then the waiting game started. Let me tell you, we sure did wait, we waited, and waited, and then there was some more waiting.

I had just kinda assumed that the Mango would be early, because that was the trend with most babies in my family. I was about six weeks early, so in my mind, she would at least be a few days early. But, no, apparently she was very comfortable in there. By my due date she still really hadn't even dropped. All though my pregnancy she was a very lazy baby, she wasn't much for moving, sometimes that would terrify me. There would be hours that I wouldn't feel her move at all and I wouldn't be able the think about anything else until I felt her kick or adjust. I guess being that she was comfy and lazy, the idea of coming out just didn't occur to her.

So I was scheduled to be induced a week and a day after her due date, and let me tell you I was ready to be done being pregnant. I am pretty sure the last couple of weeks I rolled everywhere instead of walking because I was all belly. There was just absolutely no more room for me to get any bigger.

Hoping to move things along I tried every trick in the book, fresh pineapple, spicy food, pressure point massage, walking like crazy, willing the baby out, you know things like that. Someone suggested that I jump on the bed, but I decided against that one because I was quite top heavy and had balance issues to begin with (saying I'm clumsy, is a bit of an understatement). But, alas, nothing worked.

I think waiting the week to be induced was quite possibly one of the longest weeks of my life. They wouldn't let me work anymore so I was basically just sitting around twiddling my thumbs and waiting to pop. Every day just felt longer and longer. Finally it was the day to go in, unfortunately I didn't need to go in until 8 that night. That day just dragged, the Giant and I ended up leaving about two hours early. We stopped at Qdoba for my "last meal," because everyone had told us to eat something filling because it was going to be a long time before I would be allowed to eat again.

We checked into the hospital after a bit of a wild goose chase. My OB had reserved us a room, but apparently no one knew where that was or what floor it was on. Finally we got to the room and started to get settled. I got to put on the awful gown I was going to have to wear for the next 32 hours, and the Giant and I settled into the room and texted everyone to inform them that we were there.

Then the nurse came in and hooked me up to all kinds of monitors and fun things that beeped. She said that I was already having contractions but there was nothing that I could feel. It was really fun to be able to hear the Mango's heart beat in the room with us all night. They told us to sleep but with the beeping and the being hooked up to things and the being massively pregnant and uncomfortable that really didn't happen. We did, however, watch Family Guy and rest in a dark room that people kept coming in and out of.

At about 4:30 in the morning a nurse came in and gave me a pill that was supposed to help me start to dilate. Then at about 7 am my OB came in to check on things. I had started dilating! So they were actually going to start the induction.

This is me all hooked up to the equipment. 

At about 10ish (I think, a lot of this day is a blur) family and friends started to show up. The Giant and his mother are both certified massage therapists (I know, I'm super lucky, right?), and they both took turns rubbing my back while I had contractions. We basically just hung out there for hours, waiting for something to happen. Other than getting sick from the medication, or a headache, or something, nothing happened. (It's weird that I never really had morning sickness, but I was crazy nauseous right before and after having the baby. I'm a little backwards like that.)

The contractions kept getting stronger and stronger, (I did ask for an epidural pretty much right when I could get one.) but, Little Mango just did not want to come out. She didn't drop down, I didn't really dilate, never felt a urge to push. They manually broke my water, but that didn't help anything progress. Little Mango was perfectly happy to stay right were she was. There was no more room in there for her, but that didn't seem to bother her at all.

When it was nearing 10 hours of induction my OB came in and informed me that I was probably going to need a C-section. My water had broken and it would be dangerous for both the baby and me if nothing were to happen soon.

At this point I was tired (Ten hours of contractions, little sleep the night before and a headache, which under normal circumstances takes a lot out of me.) I was hormonal (both my own hormones and synthetic ones) and  very emotional. I'm pretty sure at that point the OB could have come in and commented on the weather and I would have started crying, so with that news I teared up pretty quickly.

Seeing my distress The Giant kicked everyone out of the room, so we could be alone. My man is probably the best guy in the whole world, and even though he didn't know what was going through my head (to be fair I didn't either) he still said exactly what I needed to hear.

After hours of basically nothing happening the sudden rush of action seemed unreal. Family and friends were left behind to gather our things together, The Giant was given some scrubs and told to suit up while I was moved to a gurney.

The Giant Looks So Good in Scrubs.

We got down to the operating room and they started to prep me. The anesthesiologist came in and told me what he was doing was going to numb me from the abdomen down, but I would stay alert. This is the last thing I remember before I passed out.

I hazily came to and The Giant was holding a baby, I noted that was nice and then fell back to sleep. Then I started to wake up again. I remember there being a huge internal struggle because I wanted my baby, I wanted to see her, hold her, cuddle her, I mean BABY!!!! But, sleeping was really nice and I kinda wanted that too...

In the end wanting to meet my Little Mango won out. (Although I was pretty pissed that they had the curtain up and they were still finishing the surgery so I couldn't hold her.) I'm pretty sure I asked the Giant some weird questions, like is that ours? But, I don't remember.

In later conversations the Giant informed me that Mango's eyes were open and alert right away, they opened me up and she was looking at them. They took her out, declared her healthy, toweled her off, and handed her to The Giant. Where she proceeded to scream (I'm pretty sure it's because she was cold, Mango hates being cold.)

After they were done with whatever it was they were doing down there, I got wheeled into a recovery room. Then, finally, I got to hold the Little Mango.

The Giant Quickly Took Pictures to Show to Eagerly Waiting Friends and Family.

At 8lbs 15oz The Mango was by no Means a Tiny Baby

After that it was a blur of recovery. We were wheeled into a room where we would spend the rest of our stay. That's where everyone was waiting for us. Our little bundle got passed around and everyone was instantly in love.

After a while everyone started to trickle out and it was just me the Giant and the brand new baby. The first night went fine because I was so in awe of her. I just stared at her the whole time.

But then the Giant started to get sick, and the baby was crying, and my legs were still numb and I was tied down so there was nothing that I could do, and I was tired, and I couldn't quite reach the Baby's bassinet, and she was screaming, and I wasn't sure what I was going to do even if I could get to her, and the Giant was in another room, and I couldn't move, and I started crying out of frustration (like really crying, sobbing so I couldn't breath, I'm a little embarrassed about this.) This was the moment that my OB came in to check on how I was healing.

He was visibly taken aback by me, I think its because he had always commented on how calm both me and the Giant are all the time. He asked me what was wrong and I couldn't speak. But I managed to get something about not being able to feed her out. That wasn't what I was upset about it was more because I felt completely useless and really didn't know what to do, and my support person was sick. The OB told me not to feel bad about that it and things would work out then he left. After that a nurse came in and told me I was aloud to eat again. That made me feel a lot better.

Also holding my sweet new baby made me feel better too.

 After that was a few more day in the hospital, then both me and The Little Mango were ready to leave.

The Little Mango's First Car Ride

The rest we shall save for another day.

Interesting Articles

So, I'm not quite ready for another huge blog post. (I am working on writing one about Little Mango's birth, and coping with having a c-section.) However, in the mean time I have been finding some interesting articles and I thought I would share a couple.

Kaitlin Olson of It's Always Sunny and her mom talk about breastfeeding
This article is super interesting, although I was kind of hoping that it would be a little more crass and funny. They do make some interesting points though. I really liked how they talked about breastfeeding through the generations. I had heard about some of this before from talking with my mom. Her mother formula fed her because that was what they were told to do. Whereas my mom breastfed us because she was a hippy and thats what they did. Now I am breastfeeding the Mango.

Top 10 Things Breastfeeding Advocates Should Avoid Saying
I really feel like every breastfeeding advocate should read this list... or they should just not say anything because something personal like that is none of their business.

Stay-At-Home vs. Working Parents
Finally I leave you with this article that I hope will give you a chuckle.

Happy weekend

Stuffed Pizza

This is one of my favorite recipes. It is surprisingly easy and very yummy. The best part about this recipe is that it is extremely adaptable. You can pretty much use any type of traditional or non-traditional pizza topping of your choosing. (I'm pretty sure this would make an awesome white pizza as well, but I haven't tried that yet.)

What You Need:

Springform Pan
rolling pin
a little bit of four
cooking spray

Ingredients:

WIC Ingredients:
Cheese
various Veggies (like I said any traditional or non-traditional toppings)
 -I used fresh mushrooms. We tried the restaurant blend with oyster, shiitake, and mini portobello's. It turned out really good. Different than your typical pizza but very good.

Other Ingredients
Instant Pizza dough 2 boxes (if you want to make it from scratch more power to you)
pepperoni
olives
artichokes
Sauce

Like I said before I am just telling you the toppings that I used, you can feel free to experiment with all kinds of different things.

Start out by following the directions for the dough. Once you are done separate it into two lumps, one using one third of the dough and the other using two thirds. Take the larger section and roll it out flat on a floured surface.

(You want to make sure to use a rolling pin here, or a cup with four on it, to flatten out the dough. If you try to stretch it out by hand then it just ends up ripping and it wont fit the form right. It will make you very frustrated and you will waddle your massively pregnant self over to the couch to cool down. Only to come back and fine that your wonderful significant other has discovered it is easier to roll the dough out and has taken care of it all for you... on second thought this might just happen to me.) Roll the dough out so it is big enough to cover to bottom and sides of the springform pan. Spray the pan with cooking spray, and line the pan with the dough.

 And now the fun begins. You can just start layering in the toppings to your hearts content until they reach about a fourth of an inch away from the top.

Once you have done that roll out the remaining dough and cover the top, pinching the top and bottom together, so, it is sealed nicely. Then poke holes in the top to let air escape while it's cooking.

Now cover the top with sauce and a little bit more cheese.

Now you want to cook the pizza according to the instructions on for the dough. (Don't worry it is enough to cook everything through.)

After you take the pizza out of the oven take the sides of the springform off very carefully, or to bottom of the pizza will get soggy as it cools.

After it cools down cut, and enjoy.

I am Not a Super Mom

I am starting this blog in hopes to create a supportive and informative spot for moms to visit when unbiased support and information is needed. I found when reading most "mom blogs" out there they are so opinionated that it ceases to be helpful and turns preachy.

After I had Little Mango we fell into a rhythm that worked for everyone in our little family, but it didn't feel that way at first...

We had some issues. Little Mango lost too much weight her first couple of days. We had to supplement with a little bit of formula. Then we went to see a lactation consultant. Our pediatrician's office has a lactation consultant on staff, but it was the weekend and we needed to see someone right away. So, we went to a local lactation consultant who was amazing! She was very helpful and Little Mango was finally able to latch on right. To say this woman knows her stuff is a gross understatement. We left with informational pamphlets in hand, and a new boost of confidence that, as new parents, we really needed. (Also, nipple shields to help Little Mango latch on.)

She informed us that we shouldn't worry about the fact that we had to use a bottle for a little bit or the nipple shields, because nipple confusion isn’t as big of a deal as people make it out to be. She also preached that babies aren't stupid they just need to learn. (This is a point that I completely agree with. I hate it when people don't treat their babies like they are humans. This happens a surprising amount.) She was kind and gentle with Little Mango, and the Mango really responded well.

Like I said before, we left with a new boost of confidence (Maybe we wouldn't be awake all night with a screaming, starving baby!) Before going to the Lactation Consultant I was very hesitant. Being the type of person I am (Crazy? Thorough?) I did tons of research online. Everything that I found struck me as very pretentious, like these women thought that they were saving the world by breastfeeding, also that if you didn't breastfeed you should probably be questioning what right you have to be a parent. After hours of research I felt like a horrible mom (and I was even breast feeding like they wanted me too, but I wasn't doing it perfectly. So, therefore - flawed). I was hesitant to go to a Lactation Consultant because it’s one thing to read about what you're doing “wrong”; it’s another to have someone tell you to your face. Luckily that first time proved me wrong. (Notice, I said - that first time.)

The pediatrician wanted us to come back into the office after the weekend to see if the baby had started gaining weight her back They told me to just call and make and appointment with a nurse to weigh her. When I called to schedule the receptionist got confused and I ended up having an appointment with the lactation consultant at the Pediatrician's office. I won’t go into lengthy detail, but this woman treated Little Mango like a baby, not a person, which even at a week old I could tell Little Mango wasn't pleased. She lectured me on bottle use, citing the dangers of nipple confusion. (At this point I was pumping and giving that to Little Mango in a bottle after she got tired of nursing but was still hungry.)

According to her the most important thing to do was get the baby off the bottle. I told her I didn't feel like that made a whole lot of sense because I was going back to work and I felt like it would add stress weaning her off the bottle just to put her back on it a couple weeks later. She told me that didn't matter and that getting off the bottle was the most important thing... ever. So, I left there feeling like a crappy mom, absolutely dreading breastfeeding time. (Which happened like ever two hours. There was a lot of dread there.) I just felt like I was doing everything wrong, even though the Mango was getting exclusively breast milk it still wasn't enough. Fortunately, I had the first positive experience with a Lactation Consultant, and I knew that Little Mango and I could do it. I knew that was the thought I needed to hold on to, and the Mango started gaining weight.

Another hot button issue that apparently our family made the "wrong" choice about was the issue of co-sleeping. From the day she came home, even before that in the hospital, Little Mango has slept in the bed with me. It makes it easier for breastfeeding at night, and when she wakes up she doesn't freak out because she is all by herself. She sees me and then falls back to sleep. All in all it is the way that our family gets the most, much needed sleep. We made the mistake of telling the Pediatrician that we did this, at the Mango's two-week check up. The shock on that woman's face was amazing. She then proceeded to tell us that there were two reported deaths a year in West Michigan caused by parents rolling over on their babies while co-sleeping. Again making me feel like a terrible mother for doing what I felt was best for the family. She was so little I couldn't imagine not touching her all the time. Anyway, this appointment made me panicky and jump into another bought of research where I found this article Dr. Sear's, Safe Co-Sleeping. I really
liked their section about the research they did, and the benefits of co-sleeping.
"Sharing sleep involves more than a decision about where your baby sleeps. It is a mindset, one in which parents are flexible enough to shift nighttime parenting styles as circumstances change. Every family goes through nocturnal juggling acts at different stages of children's development. Sharing sleep reflects an attitude of acceptance of your baby as a little person with big needs. Your infant trusts that you, his parents, will continually be available during the night, as you are during the day. Sharing sleep in our culture also requires that you trust your intuition about parenting your individual baby instead of unquestionably accepting the norms of American society. Accepting and respecting your baby's needs can help you recognize that you are not spoiling your baby or letting him manipulate you when you welcome him into your bed."
I have never felt like I was going to crush Little Mango, and for me the pro's far out weighed the con's, but I still felt horrible for doing it (I think this is because I am really used to just doing what I'm told by authority figures and blatantly defying these highly educated women seems wrong.)

That is when I had an epiphany. Through all the guilt and panic and feeling inadequate (on top of having the baby blues, oh my!) I realized that I'm The Mom. I'm the authority figure now, and if I feel that I am doing what is right for my family and everything is flourishing, then I really am doing what’s best. I realized that I needed to take what these women were saying, weigh it out, and then take it or leave it.

I know that I am not a super mom, and I know that what works for one family, even one baby, might not work for others. I'm not saying that I'm not an opinionated person, but I'm not going to push my opinions down your throat. I'm not one of the pretentious bloggers who think their way is the best way. I hope that by writing this blog other new mom's who aren't super moms will get some peace of mind.