I am Not a Super Mom

I am starting this blog in hopes to create a supportive and informative spot for moms to visit when unbiased support and information is needed. I found when reading most "mom blogs" out there they are so opinionated that it ceases to be helpful and turns preachy.

After I had Little Mango we fell into a rhythm that worked for everyone in our little family, but it didn't feel that way at first...

We had some issues. Little Mango lost too much weight her first couple of days. We had to supplement with a little bit of formula. Then we went to see a lactation consultant. Our pediatrician's office has a lactation consultant on staff, but it was the weekend and we needed to see someone right away. So, we went to a local lactation consultant who was amazing! She was very helpful and Little Mango was finally able to latch on right. To say this woman knows her stuff is a gross understatement. We left with informational pamphlets in hand, and a new boost of confidence that, as new parents, we really needed. (Also, nipple shields to help Little Mango latch on.)

She informed us that we shouldn't worry about the fact that we had to use a bottle for a little bit or the nipple shields, because nipple confusion isn’t as big of a deal as people make it out to be. She also preached that babies aren't stupid they just need to learn. (This is a point that I completely agree with. I hate it when people don't treat their babies like they are humans. This happens a surprising amount.) She was kind and gentle with Little Mango, and the Mango really responded well.

Like I said before, we left with a new boost of confidence (Maybe we wouldn't be awake all night with a screaming, starving baby!) Before going to the Lactation Consultant I was very hesitant. Being the type of person I am (Crazy? Thorough?) I did tons of research online. Everything that I found struck me as very pretentious, like these women thought that they were saving the world by breastfeeding, also that if you didn't breastfeed you should probably be questioning what right you have to be a parent. After hours of research I felt like a horrible mom (and I was even breast feeding like they wanted me too, but I wasn't doing it perfectly. So, therefore - flawed). I was hesitant to go to a Lactation Consultant because it’s one thing to read about what you're doing “wrong”; it’s another to have someone tell you to your face. Luckily that first time proved me wrong. (Notice, I said - that first time.)

The pediatrician wanted us to come back into the office after the weekend to see if the baby had started gaining weight her back They told me to just call and make and appointment with a nurse to weigh her. When I called to schedule the receptionist got confused and I ended up having an appointment with the lactation consultant at the Pediatrician's office. I won’t go into lengthy detail, but this woman treated Little Mango like a baby, not a person, which even at a week old I could tell Little Mango wasn't pleased. She lectured me on bottle use, citing the dangers of nipple confusion. (At this point I was pumping and giving that to Little Mango in a bottle after she got tired of nursing but was still hungry.)

According to her the most important thing to do was get the baby off the bottle. I told her I didn't feel like that made a whole lot of sense because I was going back to work and I felt like it would add stress weaning her off the bottle just to put her back on it a couple weeks later. She told me that didn't matter and that getting off the bottle was the most important thing... ever. So, I left there feeling like a crappy mom, absolutely dreading breastfeeding time. (Which happened like ever two hours. There was a lot of dread there.) I just felt like I was doing everything wrong, even though the Mango was getting exclusively breast milk it still wasn't enough. Fortunately, I had the first positive experience with a Lactation Consultant, and I knew that Little Mango and I could do it. I knew that was the thought I needed to hold on to, and the Mango started gaining weight.

Another hot button issue that apparently our family made the "wrong" choice about was the issue of co-sleeping. From the day she came home, even before that in the hospital, Little Mango has slept in the bed with me. It makes it easier for breastfeeding at night, and when she wakes up she doesn't freak out because she is all by herself. She sees me and then falls back to sleep. All in all it is the way that our family gets the most, much needed sleep. We made the mistake of telling the Pediatrician that we did this, at the Mango's two-week check up. The shock on that woman's face was amazing. She then proceeded to tell us that there were two reported deaths a year in West Michigan caused by parents rolling over on their babies while co-sleeping. Again making me feel like a terrible mother for doing what I felt was best for the family. She was so little I couldn't imagine not touching her all the time. Anyway, this appointment made me panicky and jump into another bought of research where I found this article Dr. Sear's, Safe Co-Sleeping. I really
liked their section about the research they did, and the benefits of co-sleeping.
"Sharing sleep involves more than a decision about where your baby sleeps. It is a mindset, one in which parents are flexible enough to shift nighttime parenting styles as circumstances change. Every family goes through nocturnal juggling acts at different stages of children's development. Sharing sleep reflects an attitude of acceptance of your baby as a little person with big needs. Your infant trusts that you, his parents, will continually be available during the night, as you are during the day. Sharing sleep in our culture also requires that you trust your intuition about parenting your individual baby instead of unquestionably accepting the norms of American society. Accepting and respecting your baby's needs can help you recognize that you are not spoiling your baby or letting him manipulate you when you welcome him into your bed."
I have never felt like I was going to crush Little Mango, and for me the pro's far out weighed the con's, but I still felt horrible for doing it (I think this is because I am really used to just doing what I'm told by authority figures and blatantly defying these highly educated women seems wrong.)

That is when I had an epiphany. Through all the guilt and panic and feeling inadequate (on top of having the baby blues, oh my!) I realized that I'm The Mom. I'm the authority figure now, and if I feel that I am doing what is right for my family and everything is flourishing, then I really am doing what’s best. I realized that I needed to take what these women were saying, weigh it out, and then take it or leave it.

I know that I am not a super mom, and I know that what works for one family, even one baby, might not work for others. I'm not saying that I'm not an opinionated person, but I'm not going to push my opinions down your throat. I'm not one of the pretentious bloggers who think their way is the best way. I hope that by writing this blog other new mom's who aren't super moms will get some peace of mind.